Watching From The Sidelines

I fully anticipated my life in Florence to be completely different than my life in Boston. I was also fully aware of the fact that this experience would be much different than when I studied abroad here. But I don't think I ever really considered HOW it would be different. I also never really thought about how difficult it could be at times.

For the most part, I don't really have too much to complain about. I am living with a great family that has provided me with a roof over my head and (delicious) food to eat. And I suppose the fact that I'm young and living a fairly care-free lifestyle in one of the most beautiful countries in the world really isn't so horrible.

However, I can't help but feeling like I'm watching from the sidelines half the time.

I know I have only been here for about two months - but it is frustrating to not be able to find a PAYING job around here. A group of guys I know from a few years ago told me today that Italy is probably the most difficult place to find a job right now. It's like, great!

Then again - there may be a light at the end of the road after all. Tomorrow I am supposed to meet up with Gianmaria because he might be able to help me get a job at Santa Croce. If that doesn't work out Cristina gave me a few ideas and some contacts to try as well. Keep your fingers crossed! I mean something has to come up eventually right?!

While the job thing is constantly on my mind...it's not really the thing that is getting me down. Like I said before, I feel like I'm watching everything from the sidelines. I guess I mean that in a social sense.

Of course I know people and I go out when I can...and I am trying to make more and more friends as much as possible. But, I guess I am at a bit of a disadvantage because I'm not going to classes with them or travelling with them or I haven't been here for a few years allowing me to establish a set group of friends. As a result of this, even when I do go out with people I often feel left our or not really part of what's going on. It's like - instead of being in the group picture, I'm the one that takes the picture of the group.

I try to remember that this is most likely not a personal thing against me...it's just simply that most of the people that are here are a few years younger than me and they are living a life I had 3 years ago. Keeping this in mind is helpful - but it doesn't mean it doesn't suck sometimes. It makes me feel a bit old and discouraged every now and then. Especially on the weekends when most people are gone travelling to all the places I wish I could be revisiting instead of being here alone.

Well...now that I have successfully made myself sound like a completely depressed loser, I must assure you that is not the case. I just needed to vent because it's been bothering me for a little while.

Believe it or not - there is some positivity here. Luckily, I live two streets away from my homestay mom and we spend a lot of time together on the weekends. In fact, every Sunday is MOVIE NIGHT!! As I am meeting more people, it provides me with more options of people to call - especially on the weekends. And lastly, today was the first time that I was (finally) brave enough to go out into the city and just walk around for a few hours. I ended up running into some of my friends (and I got free coffee out of it!) and finding a really cute, cheap store that I'm going back to tomorrow to reward myself with some adorable new boots and a scarf.

While it can be difficult at times, I am not the type of person to let such things ruin my experience or get me down for too long. And at the end of the day, this is pushing me to become a stronger and more independent person. It's all just a part of life and tomorrow is another day...