I'm Still Here...

I'm still here....I haven't forgotten about this little blog of mine...I guess all the times that I should have been writing I just kept it inside and didn't use this as the outlet I probably needed. Oh well, I am writing today - hopefully I pick up the habit again because these guest appearances aren't as fun.

It's weird to think that I should be on my way back to Boston today. I didn't even think of it until I woke up this morning and realized it was the second...hopefully somebody else needed my seat more than I did and was happy to take it off my hands.

Instead, I will be going home in two weeks for two weeks. People keep asking me if I am excited to go home...but I guess I don't really know the answer to that question. I am excited to be in my house filled with food and snacks...I am excited to see my family and my friends...but I guess I am not looking forward to being asked a million questions about my time here. I think that means that I am hiding from something...I suppose I feel like I have not accomplished much and am embarassed that I really don't know a lot of the answers to the questions they will be asking.

I don't know how long I will be here. I haven't found other work. I haven't met an Italian to marry. I don't know what I want to make of all of this. I just don't know...and I just want that to be OK that I just don't know right now...but I am scared that I will be judged. Maybe I am scared that I will be judged by others because I am judging myself.

I am facing the possibility that I will not be allowed back into the country...and to be honest with you, I would regret not doing more with my time here. However, what is to happen is not in my hands at this point in time. All I can hope for is that I can fly under the radar and really come back kicking some Gianna in Italy butt when I get back here.

Maybe I need to go home to realize how lucky I am. I think this first round of time here was a major learning experience and getting used to the lifestyle - not as a student. Maybe even realizing I am not a student. Who knows...either way, I do have some goals for my future time here...not just jobwise, but experience and me-wise...I don't really feel like explaining what I mean by all of that but something is in the works and I can feel it.

I can't wait to go home and reimage my computer. This thing is driving me insane! I'm ready to throw it out the window...rarrrr...it just keeps stopping and starting again for no reason...kicking me off the internet...not all of my functions are working anymore...it's more stressful than anything! Then again, if my computer is my only stress in life right now - is life really that bad?

This sucks...all the cool friends that I've made are leaving within the next week to go back to the States...back to their normal lives. I'm most sad to see Sammy and Josh go. They are both super cool people and I hope to keep in touch with them.

It also kinda sucks that Georgette is gone for a whole month...oh well, it will be broken up nicely because I will be home two of the weeks that she is gone anyway. And we'll be back just in time for New Year's!!!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!

Other happy news...the girls and I are going to NYC for the weekend!! I'm so pumped!! I haven't visited Alyssa in all this time...and the fact that we're ALL going is going to be so awesome. Yay!! It's nice to have something super exciting to look forward to. I've never partied in NYC before so I'm going to admit that I'm a little bit nervous...I'm going to need 5 hour energy drinks like crazy especially with the jet lag.

OK - now I'm just rambling random stuff...to be continued.

A dopo :)